Thursday, July 15, 2010

How to Size Someone Up in 30 Minutes

Interviews are tricky. somewhat awkward. but totally necessary.

The life of the post-graduate is ruled by this nerve-racking ritual. Should I wear the black dress with a patterned belt or the pant suit? Do they enjoy jokes? Are they staring so long at my nose, because I have a booger? Does my breath smell?

Questions. Questions. Questions. Unavoidable questions.

"Janessa, where do you see yourself in five years? What are your plans for the future?"

"Well, let's just make it clear that I don't see myself in Tallahassee any longer than is necessary so if you're asking if this is going to be a long-term stint, the answer is no. My true plans for the future include living in a bustling city, doing...I'm not sure yet but it will be great. I am applying for this secretarial job because I have two years working in an office and need desperately to make money while my fiance finishes his engineering degree. If you'd like to be a part of my transitional phase in life, then you should hire me."

The mind always gets you in trouble.

Seriously though, what do employers think when they peruse thousands of resumes?

~A pudgy Executive leans back in his chair. A resume floats majestically to the floor. "Yep, I've seen this one before. English major. I know all about them." He stands up and points an accusing finger at his assistant Charles. The resume crinkles then tears, as it strains under two hundred and sixty pounds. "They have no true aspirations. Who expects to succeed in life reading books? To be or not to be, or other silly nonsense, they quote all day. I need someone with more umphh. Do you know what I mean Charles? Someone who is willing to look outside of the box. Fetch me a Business graduate, why don't you. They've got a good head on their shoulders. Now, those folks you can trust." ~

Reality? Maybe, Maybe.

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